Clifford WAS a runt too....

I have to say that the first couple of days being a mommy to 4 was.... well..... a bit scary. 

I believe that I was mostly worried about Caleb and how he was going to react. He did prove me right, however. I knew that the 17 months between  them was just not enough. I knew that Caleb would still want to be my "baby" and in many respects he still is. 

It was a little difficult introducing Caleb to Alex and as I had thought, he doesn't seem to be too fond of him. I am sure that with time it will become easier. But for now I will  embrace having 2 babies that really do need me. 

I am sure that with time they will grow to be best friends, right now, not so much.

Zoe had been at Nana's for a week and boy! was I glad to have that little booger home. I really did miss her. She came back a tad chunkier ;) and a tad sassier but none the less still so sweet and spunky. I missed my little side kick. We are greatly out numbered in this house of stinky boys so we must stick together. 

Alex went for his 1 week check up today... can't believe that he is a week old already. 

He is doing beautifully! He is back up to his birth weight in only a week and the jaundice (the mild case that he had) seems to have cleared up. While he is little I can see the potential of him growing quickly and becoming a big boy. I can't help but think (in my mommy wisdom) that Clifford was born a runt and grew into a BIG RED DOG, that is rather famous among the preschool nation :) 

We also did his newborn photo shoot, my dear sweet friend Anna, took his pics and we had so much fun. I can't wait to see the finished product. {please, remember her, she lost her dad a couple of weeks ago suddenly and could use the added prayers}

So Happy One week to my Alexander the Great. Mommy is looking forward to watching you grow in the coming weeks. 

I am loving these summer days. I vowed that my kids would be outside as much as possible this summer. At the beginning it was a little hard seeing that I was so miserable, but now, MAMA'S BACK!

The past couple of days they have played and played and played until they were dirty and sticky and disgusting. All the signs of a good time. Braxton and his little friends have played in the water and had water gun fights and played in the dirt and just had a good ole time these past few days and at night with in no time they are out cold... I'm loving every moment.

Cabby loved those Popsicle's probably ate 4 of them. He was a mess by the time we came in.

Braxton and his good pal, Westin, obviously mine is the mean one with the gun pointed at the photographer. 

You know they have had a good fun filled day when the bath water is extremely murky and they skip lunch 

Happy Summer Y'all.

My Midnight Me Time

Midnight seems to be the only time any more that I have time to SIT and be alone. I wish it was a great time to have a cup of coffee but I'll settle for a little chamomile tea instead. 

Lately my "me time" is spent cleaning and trying to find a comfortable spot. But typically I try to catch up on my favorite blogs and throw in a blog of my own. I find myself talking to God and praying a lot more these days. I am trying to prepare myself for the little bundle of joy that is soon to greet us. 

This pregnancy has been about the most difficult one by far. While I have tried so very hard not to complain because I know that there are so many women that would love the chance to be pregnant but can't get that way. But I've been pregnant a total of 7 times and well I do believe that I'm tired.  

With each pregnancy the curve of my spine gets a little worse resulting in a little more pain than the last one. Walking is hard, breathing is extremely difficult most of the time and sleeping well that is something of the past. 

I truly can't wait to meet this little guy (who still has no name). I'm sure that "baby Omega" is going to bring so many wonderful and exciting new things to our crazy little family. 

I think the older 2 are going to be thrilled with the new baby but I think that my Cabby is going to have some serious issues. I believe that when a new baby is getting ready to come into the mix without even saying anything the other siblings know and some take the "excitement" a little better than others. 

I think that Cabby knows and he's having a little bit of a time saying "so long" to being the baby.

This boy truly cracks me up though. 

In other Adkins news, Braxton has said "so long" to preschool. It's a little bittersweet. I feel like suddenly my baby isn't such a baby anymore and I just don't know that I'm ready to send him off to Kindergarten all day by himself. He's a pistol most days, sassy and extremely independent but what do I do. He had to grow up before he was supposed to and now he's this big person trapped in this cute, pudgy little (almost) 6 year old body.

We had a fun morning at his preschool graduation picnic where he got to say goodbye to his teachers and play with his friends, most of whom will be at his school in the fall. I don't think he truly understands that preschool is no more and that now it's time for the big leagues. 

I want to finish this post with a quick plug for my friends over at Twinkle Belle. 

My sister in law and her sister in law have started this cutesy little girls shop and Zoe got to be in there photo shoot Monday. It was {crazy} but so much fun... 12 little girls all frilled up with their adorable "twinkling" accessories on. Sure to make any little girl feel like a princess. 

I'm pentecostal and we are known for BIG HAIR!!! It makes us.... us. Well, until our girls are able to have the big hair we give them big bows.... big beautiful bows. 

So if you need something to make your little lady shine check out this shop I'm sure that you will love there stuff. And I do believe that eventually they are hoping to start selling a few clothing items as well. I CAN'T WAIT!!! Zoe loves Aunt Stefs work and I'm sure you will as well. 

So that's my me time.... now "me" is going to attempt to hear from Mr. Sandman :)

Night Y'all

They are ... different

I used to think that being a mom was going to be a piece of cake. I thought how hard could a tiny little person be to take care of.

I find myself laughing at myself a lot these days. Oh! How naive I was as a young mother of ONE! To think that things were super simple and that anything I didn't know I could look up in a book. (insert LONG hysterical laugh here)

Today I have 3 under the age of 6 and I'm telling you... it's probably the hardest thing that I have ever done. 

 Braxton and Zoe are always fighting and picking at each other. I probably break up a million and one fights a day. And then there's Cabby (Caleb) my 3rd child! Words can't describe this little one. He's so sweet and quiet for the most part. He plays well by himself and he's usually attached to my hip... but those moments that he's not, those are the moments that give me new grey hair and heart problems.

He decided {by himself} that he would try out the baby swing, I couldn't keep him out of it. 

I can honestly say that Braxton and Zoe NEVER gave me such worry. I never had to child-proof anything because they never got into anything they weren't supposed to, BUT Caleb.... oh my!!! That boy is in to EVERYTHING! 

Example... He loves to get under my kitchen sink. For some reason, he loves the taste cleaning supplies. And he is QUICK! Maybe he's not so quick just super quiet but either way he wears me out. And here I am about to welcome #4. This little one is already an acrobat so I'm sure that since him and Caleb are going to be so close in age I'm in for it. 

I won't go into details about him deciding it would be a great idea to go into the oven for the corn dogs that I had just put in. Stove was on, stove was hot... but luckily I got there in time.

So to "baby jail" he went..... he does well in solitary confinement. 

So, while I still consider myself a young mom, I would say that I have learned a lot in my six years more than any book could teach me anyway. I know that I have a lot more to learn and I am sure that these extreme children of mine will teach me, but with LOTS of prayer and faith that God will see me through I will make it.  Hopefully with minimal visits to the ER and minimal grey hair and wrinkles. 

At 1 Caleb can successfully open the dishwasher and pull out the racks and use them like stairs, he can empty out a bucket and transport said bucket anywhere he desires to get whatever it is that he desires. He's already had stitches in his lip from trying to climb something "new". He's determined, always has been but he keeps things very interesting to say the least. 

Each of my children bring something unique and "fun" to the family and for that I am thankful. While it's stressful at times, I am so thankful that they have well rounded personalities and that they are sure to keep me laughing. I am blessed that God chose me to be their mama.

CANCER STILL STINKS!!!

We are so happy to say that Braxton is one month post chemo and doing wonderful. But Cancer STILL stinks. It takes so many too early and some of those are sadly children. 

Braxton had to go to Cincinnati on Sunday night, because he suddenly spiked a temp. He was acting fine and playing and just being Braxton but when I went to hug him he was burning up... typical Braxton. It made me stop and think that even though the chemo is finished we are not quite finished yet. Will the cancer world always be this evil shadow lurking in the background? I surely hope not. He wouldn't have had to go to Cincinnati if his port was out. We are baby steps closer to that milestone. 

He tested negative for the flu and his chest xray was fine as well, but on Monday they called and said that he did test positive for RSV. Luckily Braxton's a strapping young man and RSV is only dangerous in those with compromised or small airways. 

So we are pumping him FULL of antibiotics at the moment he is on 2 huge doses 2 times a day. He has always been so good at taking medicine and I am so thankful for that. 

Other than the nasty cold, he is doing wonderful. 

~~~~~~~~

This morning, however, when I woke up to check the "daily news" i.e. social networking.... my heart was so saddened to learn that our sweet little friend Vinny has earned his wings. He fought over half his life with this dreaded thing called cancer, his mom dedicated and faithful by his side, always so positive and so sweet and selfless. 

Vinny touched so many and I  ask that today you stop and say a prayer for this sweet family as they endure probably one of the hardest  (if not THE hardest) trials ever.

We love you Sarah and your family and we are praying for piece for you. 

CANCER STILL STINKS... EVERY DAY! WE HAVE TO FIND A CURE. 

Slow Motion....

In all the chaos that is my kids... some days I just sit back and watch them and it's like they are suddenly moving in slow motion giving me time to soak in that precious moment. 

I register Braxton for Kindergarten in a month and it's like it just dawned on me that my baby, my hero, my survivor is not so little anymore. It saddened me a little and then it's like a light went off and I had to take a praise break. I had to stop and thank the mighty God that I survive for allowing us to have this moment. I had to thank Him for allowing me another moment, another memory with Braxton. He's going to Kindergarten like all the other kids. I just look at him and see the trials that he has overcome before he was even 5 and I think... what a mighty testimony that boy is going to have one day.

And then I look at my Zoe... words can't express the joy that she brings to me. Yes, she is a bit spunky, accompanied with a lot of sass. But to me that's what makes her Zoe Princess.  She is going to be 3 in March and I never realized how much joy a 3 year old could bring to the mix. Braxton was so sick at 2 and 3 that we never really experienced what it was really like. Zoe is always in some new attire that she has scrounged up around the house. Usually in a pair of shoes that don't remotely go with what she has on. She loves hats and all things glitter. We never know what to expect from our little diva but that's what makes her exciting and fun. 

Caleb, well, Caleb is our background noise right now. The other 2 for sure overwhelm the room they are in but Caleb always makes known that he is there. He is the only one of my 3 that crawls under, over and behind things. It's not unusual to hear him in a room and not visibly see him because he has found something that caught his attention and he went for it. I call that determination. He's small right now, but I see big things for my boy that never lets anything stand in the way of what he wants. 

As we wait for #4 {that still sounds so weird to me} I look forward to seeing what he is like. His personality. I can honestly say that each of my children is completely different. They are all rambunctious and full of energy but their personalities are their own. I love their individuality. 

As a mom I say, slow down, just let them play, sit back and watch them. It really is happening so fast, faster than I could have ever wanted. I know that I am going to work at being a better mother, wife, sister, daughter and friend to all those that are in my life. Because if Braxton, Vinny, Maci and Benjamin and so many others have taught me anything, it's that today can change in the blink of an eye and tomorrow is never guaranteed. 

Zoe is "twinkling" If you want one of these fabulous headbands for your princess go to  Twinkle Belle My sweet sis in law and her sis in law make them and they do a divine job.

20 Weeks... oh my!!

It's hard to believe some days that we are having another baby. For me, I suppose it's surreal because when I look at Caleb he's still a baby himself. I find myself thinking (A LOT) "what have I gotten into". 

So many of my friends have said that this is Gods reward to our family for getting through Braxton's illness with minimal (I didn't say NO) complaining, I suppose now that it has all set in, that is a wonderful way to look at it. We have learned to trust in God for any and everything. 

He has never let us down whether it be with Braxton, or moving 500 miles away from everything we knew and starting over, to having another baby. 

I would be lying if I said, I was stoked from the beginning, that I took the test and jumped for joy. I actually took the test and cried for a spell. It's amazing all the things that go through your mind. The increase in bills, raising 2 so close in age, stress.... and not mention I thought where am I going to place another baby in our 3 bedroom home that we are so very quickly outgrowing.  I think too, being a cancer mom, the thought of a serious illness always lingers in my head. I know the chances of one of Braxton's siblings ever having Leukemia are slim but the chance is increased from the "average" child. The fact that the baby will be a boy is another increase in the slim probability. The fear that lies in a mothers heart, whether spoken and made known or not, is a very real thing for me at least. 

Now, the worry has worn off and the excitement has set in. I am now 20 weeks. Can you believe it 20 weeks? Already half way there. 

According to a website, the baby is the size and heirloom tomato. For me it's a little difficult to think of my baby is a garden vegetable. It's rather humorous for me. Seeing that my husband loves to garden ... lol

My kids are beyond elated and the fact that it's a boy makes it a little bit easier to get excited. I would have been happy for a girl, Zoe would have loved a sister but seriously this house is barely big enough for that Diva. I have tons of things to pass on to this new little one, again a plus. 

So now, at 20 weeks, we are ready to meet another Adkins baby. They are awfully cute :)

If we have learned anything as parents, it's life is not written out, things change and you just have to take the good with the bad. And that have done. 

Happy Thursday y'all

in the club

Today marks a momentous occasion for me as a mommy.... I joined a very elite club just for mom's of toddlers and preschoolers. 

I received my "my kid swallowed a penny" badge. 

I suppose I can mark that off my list of things you never want to hear as a mommy.

Just when I think things are going to be easy and that we will now be "normal" Braxton swallows a penny. 

I called the pediatrician after some extensive Q and A with Braxton... 

"are you sure you swallowed it?" (as if it dissolved)... 

"yes, mommy, I swallowed it".... 

"what color was the coin"... 

"brown"

"why was it in your mouth"...

 "I told you I needed my piggy bank"

Oh, geez, the adventures of motherhood never seem to stop. 

So, after calling the pediatrician, given Braxton's medical history they decided to do an x-ray just to see where it was. More than likely we will have the privilege of "waiting on a refund"....

I have a feeling that Braxton will enjoy this a little too much.

Being a mom to 3 very rambunctious children is for sure an adventure everyday, never boring. Being a mom to boys is an experience all in itself. 

Happy "Rainy Monday" Y'all

3 years

Cancer-versary: a date that NO one wants to have marked on their calendar but sadly we do. 

It has been 3 years. 3 years since I sat in the corner of a small room in Brenner Childrens Hospital and received the news that no parent ever wants to hear. 4 little words that change your life in a matter of minutes... seconds really. "Your Child Has Leukemia". 

It was raining that day, November 10th 2009. I knew something was seriously wrong but I was in denial. 

BUT, 3 years later through hills and valleys, Braxton is almost finished. With 2 more treatments to go, I am reminded just how great God is. He is faithful. He doesn't put more on us than we can bear. Although at the time we may feel like there is no way that we can get through this. We are, We did.  He has been faithful never leaving our sides. We know how blessed we are. We realize that Braxton got the "good" cancer (if there is such a thing). We realize that not everyone responds as wonderfully as he has. We know that there are kids who have fought so hard and earned their wings. We know that Braxton is still here. To share in our traditions. To play with his friends. To go to school. To enjoy birthdays. 

Braxton, in his 5 year old little person self, has taught us so very much. I never would have guessed that such a little person could teach me, an adult, so much. He is for sure, wise beyond his years. He has an old soul, I can't completely understand. I don't know what goes on in his little mind but I know that he is a thinker. An analyzer. He is special. And while I believe all my children to be special and unique in there on little ways. I feel like Braxton has wonderful things in store for himself. 

In 3 years we have learned that hope and faith are enough to get you through the tough moments. We have learned to smile through tears. We have learned that when we think it's impossible, God thinks differently. 

I know that this past 3 years I have grown. As a mother, as a friend. I don't take things for granted. I know that life is so precious and like a vapor. 

When I was pregnant with Braxton I used to pray that I would have the heart of Hannah and that God would take my son, who we prayed for so very hard, and make him something special for HIS glory. I promised that when I had him I would give him back. Fully. I knew from the moment that Braxton was born that God had wonderful things in store for this little person and I pray continously that God will use him. If for nothing more than a gate keeper. Give him a heart that is full of love for Him.

Braxton is FINISHING up and for that I give praise. Braxton is thriving and a "normal" boy, for the most part. Braxton is almost CANCER FREE. Boy, that feels so good. 

This song got me through many moments. I cried on the way to work and back listening to it many times. It's so simple and so to the point. 

Humbled

I LOVE Brac's hospital. When we decided to move it was hard only because I LOVED our NC hospital as well. He had such wonderful docs there and I was afraid of what he would walk into in Cincinnati. I did lots of research and was pleased that Cincinnati Children's was among the nations best. I mean, this was my child's health in their hands. I was sure they were perfectly competent but it takes a lot to gain a mother's trust. 

Cincinnati Children's has proven to be fabulous. Brac has one on one attention from his amazing doctor, Dr. O'Brien. I just love her. As does Brac. She gets down on the floor with him. She makes him feel amazingly special when she talks to him. 

Children's has an annual Survivors Picnic at the Zoo, hosted by Cincinnati Zoo.... oh what a fabulous event. An event to celebrate life and in SEPTEMBER at that... perfect time since this is Childhood Cancer Awareness month. We had the privilege of going this weekend. The weather was AMAZING. It was so humbling to see all these amazing kids... SURVIVORS... some still in treatment, but surviving. Some have grown up and some were obviously still in treatment. It was so nice to mingle with other moms... just like me. It was also important for Braxton to see that there were other kids just like him. Kids who fought and WON .... or kids that were "almost" winning. I was so glad for him to see that he was not alone. 

Eron's parents aka Papaw and Nana... came to enjoy in his special day as well. Boy, you should see these kids faces light up as soon as they spot them. They made the day so much more special. To have that one on one time with them. Not mention how much help they were for me. Thanks so much. 

We were given free admission to the Zoo, given a fabulous lunch and the kids received lots of goodies. One thing that is awesome about these events is the way they include the siblings. Zoe has never been left out. I also got some fabulous info on things for Braxton.

There is this fabulous organization called Monkey in my Chair. They place a monkey in the child's seat if they are ever out of class so that even though they are not there, they kind of are. It's a fabulous way to make him feel included even when he can't be. I have requested his. Excited to get it. 

Find out more here > Monkey in my Chair

I have also decided that since Braxton is ALMOST FINISHED (4 more clinic visits after today and one more spinal tap) that I want to start giving back to the organizations that have helped us so much. I am going to start volunteering with the Leukemia and Lymphoma society as well as a fabulous organization call The Dragon Fly Foundation. They bring special things to the kids while they are in the hospital. Things that make there extended stay more bearable. As a mom who's "been there" I am really excited to help out those moms (and dads) just like us. 

The Dragonfly Foundation

We are praying that Brac will get through these next 4 months without being inpatient. As I type this I got a call from Eron telling me that his port is not drawing back, so we are also praying that this will resolve itself and not be anything at all. Brac's been so tough, so strong and amazingly brave through every month of his treatment. Through every stick and through every hospital stay. We are so blessed to have him. 

And I couldn't let a post go by without a little Zoe/Caleb action... 

I'm not sure if you can tell but that's her big brother under there. I definitely think she has "middle child syndrome"

He's crawling, climbing and now making messes all by himself... at 8 months!

                                   

TTFN

~ The Sassy Southern Belle ~

My Sweet Cabby is 7 months old

I don't get to do this much, I really wish that I had kept up with this as he's been growing but keeping up with my 3 is a full time job.

Caleb (aka Cabby, thanks to Zoe calling him baby Cabbage), is going to be 7 months old on the 18th. It's really hard to believe, to think that he is almost a year old. It saddens me a bit, he's my baby, my last baby. 

So here are his stats:

He was almost 20lbs at his 6 month visit so I am sure that he is there by now. 

He is still nursing about every 4-6 hours. But sleeping through the night. 

He is cooing away. I think da-da or mama are in the near future.

He is LOVING solid foods. Table food is his favorite thing. What baby doesn't love mashed taters. 

He is wearing size 3 diapers and 9mth clothes.

He has just cut his first bottom tooth. Teething up a storm. 

(frozen berries in his munchkin food holder is his favorite thing to teeth on)

I was afraid to give him those puffs that dissolve but that little booger was CHEWING a Nilla Wafer. This boy can for sure eat. 

The doctors are predicting that if he continues to grow the way he does that he will be about 6 feet!!! That's a big boy. 

He smiles at everything and he's just the sweetest baby ever. He just started sleeping in his actual crib last night. I can't believe how fast he's growing. 

He loves his big brother and Zoe, bless her heart, drives him crazy. She's a mother hen. 

So that's my Cabby.

All smiles all the time.

Sleeping in his Crib

So in love with this little man

__________________________________________________________________

In other news, Braxton started pre-school!!!! This was a very big step for him as well as for me. I have always sheltered and hovered over him, and to be honest, I probably always will anywhere that he is concerned. He did so good. One day a week he gets a swimming lesson for 30 minutes. I think this is so good for him because the chemo that he has to take has caused a bit of neuropathy in his legs. The swimming in the warm water is supposed to be good for this. 

I was worried that he would be behind the other kids because we didn't let him go to preschool last year, but he seems to be doing just fine. His class is small (about 13 kids) so I'm not as nervous as far as germs go. 

He had chemo on Monday so this was not the best week to start something new. With steroids on board he's always moody and forever changing. But my baby isn't a baby anymore. 

On his first day last week, I got to the school early and he just happened to be on the playground. So I parked far enough back so that he couldn't see me. (I am sure that I must have looked like a creeper) I just sat there, thanking God for bringing him this far and for the opportunity to go to school, like a normal kid. He wasn't Brac the little boy with Leukemia... he was Brac, the 5 year old preschooler. So I sat there for 30 minutes and sobbed like a crazy lady, watching him play on the playground with all his new little friends, realizing just how blessed we are and how Mighty our God really is. 

First Day

Swim Class

Getting deaccessed. .. I am so proud of him.

And I can't leave out my Zoe. She is having a time adjusting to Bub being in School for only 2 1/2 hours. But I think she gets it now. She will go next year and I am really regretting not putting her in now. I think that she would have really enjoyed it. Her new cute thing is putting her finger to her mouth and going "hmmmm, I know" and her favorite person... Diego. I predict she'll be speaking Spanish before she turns 3 :)

Enjoying sparklers and fireworks since the county finally lifted the burn /fireworks ban.

Being Zoe

I said "look at the camera" she replied "I can't, I'm busy"

1, 2, 3

I am in the process of returning to school. Transcripts to get, schedules to keep and the chaos begins... I'm a little nuts but I guess it's what makes my world go round. I luckily found a sitter for my older 2 today so it was just me and Cabby at the school today. He has become my constant travel buddy.

So while I was sitting there waiting to meet with my advisor, I got to thinking about all 3 of my sweet babies. How I have "evolved" as a mom. 

#1- Braxton, my Alpha, my first born, my thinker, my survivor. 

When we found out that we were pregnant we were so elated (as I was with the other 2 but this was some different). We had been married for 4 years and we just knew that we wouldn't have any problems getting pregnant. Well, it took a year, and after seeing the negative sign one too many times, you can imagine how excited I was when I saw that faint positive sign. 

Anywho, when we finally met this sweet boy, I immediately went into crazy mommy mode. No one was allowed to touch him with out first sanitizing their hands and I ALWAYS washed his paci and toys when they fell on the floor. I did everything by the book. I bought him over priced clothes and toys and well, I just spoiled him rotten. (we never would have imagined the trial that was ahead in his life). I believe that it is better that we don't know the plan that God has for us. Brac's cancer diagnoses was not expected or desired for that matter, but it has taught us so much. We have met so many wonderful people along the way and grown stronger in God as well as in our family. We are also stronger witnesses of the Word because we have seen a miracle first hand.  

By the time we thought we were ready for baby #2, I didn't know how I would ever love another baby as much I loved this little man.... then came.........

#2- Zoe, my baby girl, my eccentric child, my free spirit, my mesh mash of rotten and fun.

Zoe was born about 5 months into Brac's treatment. We really didn't have time to fret and fuss over what was clean and not sanitized. For the most part it already was because of Brac. I used to call her my "shadow baby" because she just sat back. She never fussed or cried, it's kind of like she knew what was going on. Like God had already told her before she got here. She ate her first cereal in the hospital room with Brac. With Brac I was always worried to "co sleep" but when Zoe came along we had no choice but to have her sleep with me... on the couch in the hospital room. She is independent. I wonder if me always fussing over her brother made her that way. Now she is funny and a spice of life. 

#3- Caleb, my Omega, my baby boy, my cuddle bug.

Sitting with him today at the school, I kind of chuckled to myself. He is obsessively attached to me. I LOVE it!!! My other 2 were for sure attached to their daddy. Caleb could take him or leave him :)

He is so mild. Makes me wonder what he has in store for me in the next couple of years. I have learned after 5 years to relax. They are only babies once. I was always so eager to see Brac do everything... crawl, walk, talk. I was even that way with Zoe. With Caleb, I think that I will baby him awhile. Brac is almost finished with treatment and I think that now things will slow down some. 

I have learned that being a mom is the best job ever. To think that God chose me to be their mom is so humbling. I take great pride in these three angels. I think now I will slow down and just let life happen. All I really want for them is to be happy. I could care less if they grow up to be rocket scientist... if they did I wouldn't be sad at all. I want them to love Jesus with all there hearts, and to see me as a Godly mother that raised them the best she could. To love and respect me for teaching them right and wrong and for singing to them at night and remembering all the fun things we have done together. 

Just the ramblings of a mama that is love with her sweet children today.

Camping at Cincinnati Childrens...

We had a pretty uneventful weekend. Braxton played with friends and even rode his four wheeler with his friends on Thursday.  SOOOOO.....

We almost made it. We almost made it to a year with no hospital stays.

Friday morning bright and early Braxton woke me up worried about his four wheeler. When I reassured him that the four wheeler was safe in the garage, he was rolling over to go back to sleep when I leaned down to kiss him, only to realize that he was hot.

First thoughts, " NO WAY!!"

Braxton has been "flirting" with a temp for weeks now but I figured it was just allergies and that it was no big deal. He has been complaining about a headache but nothing too big. Last month the headaches led to a blood transfusion the week before chemo.

So, at 1am I was up packing for me and the kids to drive the hour to Cincinnati with hopes that it was nothing and that his counts would be fine and that after a round of antibiotics he could go home. So often that has been the case I couldn't help but be hopeful.

There I was with 3 kids at 3:30 in the morning alone, one with a temp, a cantankerous 2 year old that needed to be in bed and my sweet baby boy.

It's as if life hits you in the forehead and says... "did you really think it was that easy". Lately I had let my guard down a little when it came to Brac. I have tried to make things as "normal" for him as I could. He is almost 5 and he is just now starting to ask why he has to take medicine and his friends don't. Makes me very glad that he only has 7 months left. Being on maintenance is not all a bed of roses like I had assumed when he was first diagnosed. He has been in the hospital multiple times for viral temps. And although he doesn't have to have treatment every week and although he appears to be a "normal" 4 year old, he is not.

He is still undergoing treatment for.... Leukemia.

So,  as I packed our bags for the hospital. I had a moment where I just cried. I was mad that I was careless enough to "forget" that he was in maintenance and that his counts could still drop. We have become so relient on the IVIG therapy that when something as unexpected as a temp happens it kind of throws me for a loop.

Because he is on a cancer floor with other immuno compromised children and they were unsure of the cause of his temp he has been in "quarantine" of sorts. He is not allowed to leave his room and people have to gown and glove up when entering the room.

The first couple of nights, we did not know why he had the temp or the reason that  not only was his white count and his ANC in the toilet (for lack of a better word) but whatever it was, was tearing up RBC's as well. He needed another blood transfusion while he was there. 2 in a month. Oh boy. We have, however, learned to entertain ourselves in those tiny rooms. I have learned to make balloon animals. {thanks a lot to youtube}

Fear is a funny thing. Especially when it dwells in a mother. I was scared. My stomach felt sick. When Braxton was diagnosed he only presented with a temp... his blood work was what confirmed our worst nightmares as a parent.

Saturday afternoon the doctor assured me that there was no sign of the Leukemia in his blood work and that nothing looked abnormal on his blood smear... (HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF) I could breathe... a little.

Later that day he went down for a CT of his head to see if the infection was in his sinuses ... TADAAAA... the source. So now he is on nasal sprays to try to "wash out" the infection as well as being on 3 weeks of antibiotics when he gets home.

Eron and Brac are now on the way home from Cincy ... Can't wait to see my boys. Brac has been absolutely pitiful and I have missed him the past couple of nights. My diet and work out regimen has gone down the toilet (for lack of a better word) for the weekend, I have been living on coffee and caffeinated drinks, sugar finger foods and NO sleep.

So that's my story for the weekend. Fun Fun!!

it's a dog

and a bunny