It's a two cups of coffee and a piece of cake kind of morning....

This is a chemo week for Brac (well every week is a chemo week, but this was the time of the month for clinic)... he's tired and so mean and I know that his body has just had enough.

I am referring fights and getting into tiffs with him over silly things. This morning he insisted on keeping my pillow on his bed. Little things like this make him melt down. He doesn't want to share ANYTHING and he is all together grumpy. I know that it's the meds but where do you draw a line? How far is he allowed to go?

It's hard to be mad for even a moment. I know that he must be miserable. I don't know first hand what he's going through, so it's hard for me to say I know that you hurt...I understand. Because, while I am sure that he is miserable. I know that I don't truly get it.

As for me, it's physically and mentally taxing on me. I don't want to be selfish, but some days being the mom of a child with Cancer can take a toll on your psyche...

I have to make sure that he gets all of his meds every night and make sure that he doesn't have foods and drinks that he can't have. And then when he pitches a fit because the one thing that he really wanted was the one thing that he couldn't have, I suddenly become the bad guy.....the only bad guy.

I deal with screaming and temper tantrums as a result of the steroids, not including the fits from my 2 year old who thinks she is grown all of a sudden.  And then when I get them squared away Caleb starts screaming. Some days I don't know how these ladies with 5 and 6 kids manage to stay sane. I guess some women are made to be stay at home moms and others are not. It's a 124/7 job and I never seem to get a break. To ask for one is like pulling teeth. My other half acts like it's the easiest job on the planet and that he could do it with his hands tied behind his back... funny thing is I never see him taking all three kids to Walmart with him... (hmmm, very interesting). Don't get me wrong. I LOVE being mama to these 3, I love their hugs and kisses and the "I love you mommy"s that I hear daily are wonderful and priceless. Even Brac telling me that I make the best microwave popcorn makes my heart melt. But some days I just need a little break from the chaos, the moment.

So while I sit here with my second cup of coffee for the day (one that has been warmed up 2 times already) I am left to my day dreams of me in a hammock ALONE some where warm... sipping on something other than coffee. So that's my vent session for the day.

Because I know that I would just bore my friends with this and my husband just doesn't get it anyway, so maybe whoever stumbles across my lonely little blog will have a little sympathy for this over worked and severely under payed mama. :)

Happy Birthday to Zoe

2 years ago at 3:45am God so graciously blessed me with this amazing little girl that we would call Zoe Isabella.

She's spunky and oh so sassy. She makes me laugh at just the right moment. She was the ray of sunshine that we needed when Braxton was his sickest.  Braxton was diagnosed in November and Zoe was born in March. She was just a week old and spent her first week in this world with him in the hospital. She ate cereal for the first time with him in the hospital. I always said that she was his "therapy".

Now 2 years later they fight like only brother and sister can do. She can hold her own that's for sure.

At 15 months old she had tubes placed in her ears, and a week later she experienced her first Tornado and then while escaping that storm she hit her head and had to get 6 stitches in her eyebrow.

She is fearless, and unstoppable. That's what I think I love the most about her.

She will play with planes, trains and cars, build with blocks and then put her babies to bed. She loves horses. She's so nurturing with a constant "matter, mom??" until she knows that everything is OK.

She's sassy! Her favorite phrase right now is "hush ya mouph" and "ya hear me". I just love her. She is fantastic.

She has a very healthy appetite. She loves fruits and veggies.  She just recently started to feel out and plump up a little.

I looked forward to the years that we grow as mother and daughter and become best friends. I hope that as she grows up and we celebrate birthday after birthday, she looks to me as her example. I hope that she knows that she can come to me for anything, and talk to me about everything.

I love my little Zozie Belle. She makes me smile. She makes me wonder. She makes me thank God all the more.

Saturday the 10th we threw her a birthday party. She had so much fun. She loved opening all her presents and I think her favorite part was CAKE!!! {well of course, she is MY daughter}

Papaw and Nana came in and boy, were they bearing gifts. I am so thankful for wonderful in laws. They truly are the best grandparents ever. They have 6 grandchildren now and anytime that they come into town they bring gifts for all of them and they make sure to spend time with each of them. Thanks Papaw and Nana. Zoe loves her cozy coupe, the picnic table, the bubble blower, the pretty dresses and her teeter totter. :)

Eron and I got her an outfit and her first PowerWheels toy. I think she was happy. She kept telling the boys it was hers.

Happy Birthday to my baby girl, I hope you know that you are so loved, by so many. I look forward to the years ahead. Watching you grow, blossoming into a young girl and then into a beautiful young woman. I look forward to watching her grow in God and I look forward to watching as Jesus works on her heart.

I love my sweet baby girl.