{Spring} Where are you???

So I woke up this morning and there was frost on the ground. Yesterday we had a mini blizzard (OK so I exaggerate a little). I am suffering from some major cabin fever... SPRING WHERE ARE YOU!

My kids are going coo coo because they are stuck in the house and they can't go out and play. Last week was a teaser it was 70 and BEAUTIFUL outside. This southern girl was not made for the north. Right now there may be a little chill in the air but the trees are budding and it was 80!! last week. Oh how I miss that beautiful tar heel state.

I am just hoping that Mother Spring comes soon. Because I might just go crazy if I can't get outside ASAP. I have vowed to stay outside all summer. I don't care how hot it is. 

 Missing Spring also makes me miss Home so very very much. There are few things about the Tar Heel State that I look forward to every

time I go.... Makes me love being a born and bred Tarheel!

The HillBilly Hideaway.... You read that right.... I said HillBilly!

Good Food, Super Super nice people that make you feel like you are at home. Home cooked meals served up family style and my favorite part. Leave your autograph on the wall!! Fried Corn Bread that will have you asking for seconds.... ummmm ummmm good eattin'

If you don't know what you are looking for you will miss it every time :)

The Blue Ridge Parkway is unbelievably beautiful this time of year and again in the fall. The scenery is breathe taking. If you are down that way in the spring definitely worth the drive.

Another thing that I miss that I swore I wouldn't... Krispy Kreme Doughnuts... the real deal. When we moved here I laughed when some one came in with doughnuts and said they were fresh... "they get shipped in everyday".... nothing is as fresh as watching them roll off the belt and into your box. Seeing that HOT NOW sign still makes my mouth water. ;)

This sign means... your diet is in the toilet :)

Another place that I am sure to miss and hit up every time I am in town.... Stamey's Barbeque...  UUMMMM GOOD!!! I love this place. It is always on my list of places to go when I go home. :) 

I have had BBQ here in the North and my conclusion.... they do not know what they are doing. Nothing beats that sauce and the slaw on the side. With a big ole glass of sweet tea. {Missing the south a lot right NOW!} And then to top it all off... a bowl of peach cobbler. 

So I am waiting on Spring here in Indiana... Praying that it comes soon. It is my understanding that Indiana has some of the craziest weather. So maybe I am in for a bunch of surprises. I understand also that from March to August we are in tornado season. HMMMM do I really want spring to come that bad? ;)

The Language of .... CANCER!!!

Every month for 5 days Braxton takes a steroid. It's part of his chemo treatment and let me just tell you it is not fun. Along with the side effects of the chemo (achy legs and upset tummy) he also has to deal with the side effects of the steroid.Anyone with teenagers can tell you how horrible raging hormones are but when they are raging in a 3 year old... ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE. Mood swings, temper tantrums and a headache for mommy at the end of the day. He has an increased appetite and since the chemo has messed with his taste buds deciding what he wants to eat is .... well ... like rocket science in this house

If you thought your kid was a picky eater take that and multiple it x12. Preschoolers are picky as it is and trying to figure out what he wants to eat can take a while. 

So this morning I decided to "throw" the kids in the car and head to McDonald's because one thing that Brac loves is a sausage biscuit. Only after I convinced him that Ravioli was not the best thing to have for breakfast. He enjoyed his treat this morning (of course he NEVER eats the biscuit part, but he refuses to eat it if it doesn't come with the biscuit.) That's my Type A child. 

Any Way I was thinking about how my vocabulary has grown in a year. I was thinking about all the words that I have learned and become accustomed to. Words that I would have been just fine NEVER knowing. So I compiled a little dictionary.  When you become a Cancer Kids Mom, you go into Super Mommy Mode. We are super aware of our surroundings and the people that have come into the same "air" as our kids. We learn how to read lab work and we learn the "normal" for our kids. For Braxton we have learned that he is either on top or way at the bottom. He has no medium. I know when he is going to get sick before he does. I know his moans and groans and we sort of speak the same "language". I have learned to "feel" for him. I have learned that I am his advocate. 

Since Braxton was diagnose November 10 2009 I have learned to speak the language of Cancer.

When they are diagnosed you learn that they have cancer, yes, but you also learn the long name that only you and those like you can pronounce. For Braxton, Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia, Pre B Cell Lineage 

Rough translation : We were told this was the "good Cancer" is there such a thing... we have learned... yes. 

A few more....

WBC or White Blood Cell Count : the amount of germ fighters your little fighter has. We have learned anything above 3 is GREAT! But too high is not good either so we like for him to be in the middle. 

Platelet Count: A platelet count is a test to measure how many platelets you have in your blood. Platelets help the blood clot. They are smaller than red or white blood cells. (source)

Rough Translation: Please be above 100 ( we have been at 4 {thousand} and this is NEVER good) This calls for transfusion = NO FUN

 ** Braxton has had more blood and platelet transfusions than I can count **

Hemoglobin: Hemoglobin is the protein molecule in red blood cells that carries oxygen from the lungs to the body's tissues and returns carbon dioxide from the tissues to the lungs. 

Rough Translation: Do we need a transfusion again... Normal for a kid, 11-13, Braxton usually lingers around 9 or 10... they transfuse at 8 and we have been at 1!!!! 

ANC (Absolute Neutrophil Count): Can we fight of germs this week... if his levels are ever less than 1000 we are under strict "house arrest" with limited visitors. The goal when he is "neutropenic" is to keep him fever free and out of the hospital. We are on *high alert* when he is here.

IGG levels (this one is new): when they draw his blood once a month this decides if he will get a boost of antibodies.

Along with learning about all this, we, in the Cancer world, have also learned a list as long as our arms of the different meds that our kiddos take. My husband still has trouble saying them :), we have even stumbled across a few nurses that have trouble. 

Braxton's medicine gives him terrible indegestion (at 3!) so he also takes an antacid to get him through the day. 

So now that I have "enlightened" you ... let me tell you some words that have kept me encouraged.... 

REMISSION: A day to say thank you LORD for all that you do, and CAN do (December 10 2009 for Braxton he was NED (no evidence of disease))

BLESSED: We are sure to thank God everyday for all our blessings. We are overwhelmingly thankful

HEALED: Braxton has shown remarkable improvement, to look at him today you would never know that he still under goes chemo. He was in remission one month after he was diagnosed. I call that a healing ;)

FAITH: Knowing that God brought us this far and he will not leave us now

Rocky roads, hills and valleys, but we still serve an amazing God... He hasn't left me for even a moment. He has placed angels around Braxton and we rest assured that His will, will be done.

So my vocabulary is a bit larger with words that I would have been fine never understanding, but our son is still with us and it is what it is.

Don't let the sun go down on me...

OK so Monday was actually nice... FREEZING COLD at the end of March, but the sun was shining so that I was happy about I am so more than ready for Spring, what about you? I did open up all the blinds and I let the sun shine in and thought warm thoughts :) I love natural light so any time the house is full of it, makes me happy. 

Monday was also the dreaded CHEMO DAY for Brac. Goob took him to Cincinnati this time. I had to take care of somethings here on the home front. Brac is a trooper. He hates getting up super early on these days but for the most part he shakes it off and keeps on truckin'.

I was getting all his meds for the week situated in his pill counter and it was a bit overwhelming for ME, I can only imagine what it is like for him. Lucky for me Brac doesn't mind taking medicine, he actually enjoys it. He knows his pills as good as we do just by looking at them. A three year old with a hectic pill schedule ( I know that there are those that take more pills than him, so I'm not complaining... too much). Oral chemo is still chemo, it still makes him feel bad but it is keeping him healthy to some extent. He is smart, almost too smart, and he has learned the word "leukemia". On one of his "bad" days he looked up at us and said "I hate this stupid Leukemia". Broke my heart. 

I was a CVS the other day picking up a prescription for Zoe, she has a double ear infection now... WOO HOO!! And I came across this neat little pill counter for kids. IT LOCKS!! I have been looking for something like this since the "pill counter incident of 11' ". I love it. Leaving his meds in the bottles makes it a little overwhelming for his dad so I usually divide them up. 

So Enough rambling, he did well. Didn't need any antibodies (these boost his immune system)  ** side note, if you have never donated plasma... please consider it. I did it consistently for about a year and half. At the time I didn't understand what they did with it, I did it for the $50 extra a week, spending money. Until Brac had to have antibodies I didn't fully understand and now I know and I am so thankful. ** 

Find a Plasma Center Near You

His counts are holding which makes me so happy. Hopefully we can stay out of the hospital. I started this blog a couple of months ago, because I looked all over and I couldn't find one that was for Leukemia fighting mama's. So I figured if I was searching for someone then surely there were others searching too. 

You don't really get this life until you have lived it. Any mama that has a seriously ill child will tell you that it is a tough road. And people always ask, "I don't know how you do it. I could never do it"

To this I always reply "You just do and YES you could".

The cancer world is certainly not fun. But I have gained many friends to lean on and I am so blessed for my family. I thank God daily for Brac. I sit back and thank God that he got the "good cancer" at the "right age".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a side note I think that i have totally broken Zoe from the bottle. :) She is finally getting the hang of the sippy and understands that the milk goes IN her mouth not down her chin. She still has to have the chill knocked off but all in all she gets it. WOO HOO!

She is super proud of herself

So until we meet again... I'll leave you with this....

“You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor.”

~Aristotle 

xoxo 

The Sassy Southern Belle

Tea Time

When I was a little girl I can remember having this small porcelain tea set. As cliche as it may sound I can remember sitting with my dolls and stuffed animals and my little sister and I had tea time. It is a time that every woman can look back on and remember with a smile. 

OK, so anyone that knows me knows that I L-O-V-E coffee!!! It is something that I need to get through out the day without pulling my hair out. 

But there are a few moments in the night. When everyone is asleep that I enjoy being ... ALONE!

I don't think that Goob understands this. Of course most men don't. But after chasing kids all day and wiping noses and breaking up mini fights and telling Brac for the one millionth time to "stop pushing his sister" or "your sister is not a chew toy" or "Brac get your finger OUT OF YOUR NOSE" and keeping Zoe out of the toilet and cabinets and constantly taking the little tiny things that she manages to find to put in her mouth.  I love to curl up in our big chair with a cup of tea.... yep I said it ... tea... something about it is calming, and just take a few moments to myself to BREATHE. 

I love my kids and the Goob but there is something about mommy quiet time that is a priceless moment. I could be so tired that my eyes are barely able to stay open but I savor those moments with my cup of tea. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have wiped noses and had a baby on my hip all day. I have a feeling that Zoe has another ear infection FUN FUN for mommy and Brac still fighting his nasty head cold. It is a miracle that I am still germ free. I am convinced that moms are built with these magic germ defenses that keeps us healthy, because if mom gets sick. Who is going to take care of her.

So now I am going to finish my tea and kick back and in all honesty I'll probably fall asleep right here, in the quiet during ... Tea Time :)

Thursday Temper Tantrum (starring ME)

Do you ever have those days as a mom when you just want to throw yourself down in the floor and have a royal temper tantrum? You know the kind I mean... the "throw yourself in the floor in the middle of Wal-Mart, I hate the world, I want an  ever lasting gobster now daddy, now, kind of tantrum. Well, today that's what I felt like throwing. AN ALL OUT FIT!!! I felt like rolling in the floor and kicking and screaming. And if that would have helped I probably would have done it. I should have done it anyway just for the heck of it just to see the look on my kids face. 

It all started yesterday....

You know I would love to say that living in Indiana is a wonderful, marvelous thing but I have never missed NC more than I did yesterday. I have never lived in a town that has a tornado siren and honestly I can't say that I like it much.

Yesterday, we had a series of thunderstorms roll through. Now, in the south a thunderstorm is a nice thing.  Sitting on the porch while the wind blows and you listen to the rumble in the clouds.....NOT in Indiana. OMGosh, They have real live tornadoes here. In NC we had hurricanes but being 4 hours inland it really wasn't that much of a concern. I mean high winds and a few power outages I can handle that but whole houses being taken away by a twister... ummmm NOPE!!! SO not my cup of  tea. Lucky for me the sirens were just a sign of a watch. But still we had hail and all I could think of was the movie Twister. First comes Hail. :)

this is a pic of the hail that was in the front yard

OK... So I was sure that today was gonna be OK. A little chaotic but OK.

HA HA HA... RIIIGGGHHHTT!

We had a  church meeting (kind of like a met and greet) scheduled to take place at our house. I was already a smidge stressed about that. You know how it is when you have company over, you want every thing to look... decent, well as good as it can look with 2 children under 4 years old living here. 

I had planned on taking the whole morning to clean  and make everything "sparkle". I mean I believe in comfort and I want my home to have that "kick your shoes off and stay awhile" feel, but still you don't want people to walk away talking about the cob webs or the dust bunnies (cause you know that someone will)

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE CANCER WORLD.... EVER

What was I thinking! Poor Braxton, was up through the night with a nasty cough. Well, it kept me up more than him. So I had made up my mind that I was calling the doctor first thing this morning. 

Now, for those of you that don't know.... with a cancer kid you don't just call the pediatrician's nurse line.... you have to call the Oncologist and for us that means an hour away in Cincinnati. So I am on the phone, praying that they will let him go somewhere local. CRAP!! We had to go to Cincinnati. So I had to get both kids ready in a flash and pack the bags for the hour long road trip to Cincinnati...BY MYSELF.(It's like packing for a weekend trip away) OK by this time I was ready to SCREAM {AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!} IT'S NOT FAIR. I DON'T WANT TO GO. I DON'T WANT TO GO. NO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.

I had to convince Goob to cancel the meeting. Because I already knew that the last thing that I wanted to do when I got home was entertain. Lucky for me,he listened ( more like lucky for him :) )

Any mama will tell you that taking 2 kids to any doctors office ALONE is not fun. And taking my little busy bee's is NEVER a fun chore. We get to the hospital... late.... and get checked in, by this time the kids are hungry and way over due for a nap.{this immediately spells disaster} Once in the tiny room that is never child friendly, I let them loose. They were all over the place, like monkeys, climbing on everything and hanging on stuff. Trying to put EVERYTHING in there mouths. UGH!!! ARE WE DONE ALREADY? I am ready to go. 

Well needless to say, Braxton was a trooper, as always. With "magic sucker" in hand, they accessed his port for a blood draw, worry free and then we saw the doctors. 

Final Verdict: Sinus Infection.... still lingering. He started this crud at the beginning of the month, he had already finished one 10 day supply and evidently that just wasn't enough. So 10 more days. WOO HOO!! I am so more than tired of doctors offices and well CANCER. And I know that Braxton is. He won't complain so I will do it for him.... His counts are good too so that is good. So after and hour and 1/2 at the hospital hem/onc clinic, we left. A quick trip through McDonald's and we were home free. 

Not 5 minutes up the road and the babies were sleeping... beautiful and so very precious. 

SO NOW!!! Tantrum #3... battling rush hour on 74 in Cincinnati... UGH!!! ROAD RAGE! GET OFF THE ROAD STUPID! WERE DID YOU GET YOUR LICENSE!? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME....CONSTRUCTION HERE TOO! (Roads here look like crap, pot holes every where, so there is always road construction.)

Finally we were on the way. Out of traffic. The car is quiet and I was exhausted.I need a cup of coffee something awful.And I needed a break.

Since being home, Braxton has decided that Zoe is a punching bag. Zoe is throwing tantrums all her own because she is tired and refuses to go to sleep (why? I don't know, because I would love to lay down or sit in a hot bubble bath) And Braxton is having a royal conniption because he wanted pink milk not white milk and because he wanted 5 gummy worms NOT 6. 

WHHHHHHAAAAHHHHH!!!    I.... WANT.... MY .... MOMMMMYYYYY!!!    I WANT A VACATION...... BOOOOO WHOOOOOOO!!!! (rolling on the floor now, crying loudly with hopes that someone comes to pick me up soon) NOPE!!! No one there. I totally understand what my mom meant by "calgon take me away". And have I mentioned... I HATE CANCER, especially when it is in MY kid! It's just not fair. 

On a happy note, my house is clean and I am going shopping Saturday. 

Tantrum over :)

Toodles :)
The Sassy Southern Belle

Monday Madness

I am officially on my way back to SCHOOL!!!

I am, what some may call, a career student. I have been in school (off and on) since I got married 8 years ago. I have changed my major about a million and one times... I think this is because I have been chasing a career that I really didn't want. Something medical was all I knew.

About a month ago I decided to stop listening to everyone else and listen to... AMANDA, for a change. I am going to be a teacher. I have always joked that I would be perfectly content in life to make noodle necklaces and think up ideas for bulletin boards. SOOOO I am on my way!!

Since, for 8 years, I have been taking medical courses, few of my {one million and one} credits will transfer. Sooooo fun, fun ............ I get to start OVER.... booooooo!

I have to say that for the first time in 8 years I am super, super excited! I am looking forward to making a difference in the lives of little kids. I can still remember my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Ball. She was the greatest. I think that when I have my own class I am going to implement some of the things that she did into my teaching as well. It's funny that I can remember back that far. But who DOESN'T remember kindergarten. I mean that was a WONDERFUL time in everyone's life. Sandbox, learning to write your name and color in the lines. Definitely more fun than Algebra or Calculus any day.

So, anywho, today I went to take my placement test and I set up a time for my new student orientation. I am THRILLED BEYOND MEASURE. I can't wait to get back into the swing of things.

After Braxton got sick, I obviously took some time off and then we had Zoe so I took a little more time off and then we moved. So this past fall I took a few more classes and then took the spring off to work while Goob got the shop and things here situated.

Did I mention that I did all this today, by myself. Kid and Goob free. It's so nice to get away for just a bit, alone. On the way home it always gives me time to think and clear my head.

I couldn't help but think of Brac. This morning before I left, he sounded awful and I hated to leave him. I am not sure if he is still fighting off this upper respiratory stuff or if he has spring allergies, but this is one mama that is on high alert.

I constantly have my hand on his head and if I think he feels remotely warm out comes the thermometer. I have one in my purse, the diaper bag, in the kitchen and in the car. Yep, I am prepared and I ALWAYS have Tylenol on hand. He is just not acting himself lately. It is so pitiful to hear your 3 year old in the back seat say "mom I think I am going to lay down for a minute, my head hurts and I think a nap will make me feel better." WHAT?! When did you become old enough to know what this stuff means. Moments like that I wonder if this will ever be over.

So anyway, driving down the road thinking how much fun I was going to have teaching kindergarten, I thought about Brac and whether or not he would be able to enjoy that fun, lackadaisical time in every kids life. (And of course, I ended up teary and a blubbery mess)  I am hoping that he will. I am doing preschool from home now and we are loving it, I am just hoping he is not missing out on the fun and socialization that he would get from going to a class. I know that I am a BLAST!! {wink wink} but there is something about being with kids there own age.  It is going to take a lot for me to let that little boy live without me constantly over him. 

If I have learned anything from Brac... live for today and enjoy tomorrow even more.  

This is my Reason for being

Saturday Rambling {I am a blank canvas}

Some days I wake up and I look at the life that I live and ask myself, "self, what do you think of you today?"

Well... I like me, I like that I am spazzy, type Z ( I say this because I am so far past B it's not even funny), and I take nothing serious, OK well there are a few things that I take serious. ;)

I know when I have to go into "mommy mode" and I do well with that. No, my kids are not always spotless and polished, but I love that they are just being kids. I believe that to be happy we have to like ourselves. And if we don't then what's the point. 

I love life... I'm a bit of a thrill seeker. Nothing would make me happier than jumping out of a plane, free falling, feeling the thrill of the unknown.  Just happens Greensburg, is a popular jump site. Go Figure!! My husband thinks I'm a little fruity but it sounds like a blast. Bungee Jumping is something else that I would love to do. One day... maybe soon.

Why is it, that being a "mommy" just isn't enough for me. You'd think that the thrills and fears that come with mommyhood would be enough to keep my adrenaline pumping but most days the fear of the unknown is our normal. Worrying about Braxton's counts... whether they are up or down. Worrying that the person that sneezed in Braxton's direction at Walmart had only an allergy and that it was nothing that would land us in Cincinnati for a week. You know quite frankly worrying used to scare the crap out of me, but become a mom of a sick little boy at 23 puts everything into perspective. I've learned that worrying and being scared only gives you wrinkles and gray hair... and I'm too young and cute ( a little modesty, right) for either.

I want my kids to grow up strong and confident... they will learn that from me. I want them to ALWAYS hold their heads up and not let anyone tell them they "can't". I want Braxton to know that if he can beat cancer there is NOTHING that he can't do. I want Zoe to feel confident as a woman and to know that just because she is a woman that nothing can stop her.

Growing my mom instilled that in us. She taught us to never be afraid. To conquer everything head on and that I am a blank canvas, it's up to me to make me. I thank her for instilling that in me.

So as I ramble on and on... I have decided never to worry, to be happy with me, and to not let anything stand in my way.


XOXO
The Sassy Southern Belle

Happy St. Patricks Day .....

Since moving to Indiana in September of last year, I have been a little.... depressed, I guess. I have missed my mom and sister and I absolutely HATED the weather. I missed things like Dukes Mayonnaise and Merita Bread. I have hated not knowing my way around town and I have REALLY hated having to drive 30 minutes to go to Target. Growing up in NC we rarely had snow and when we did it was nothing like I experienced here this past winter. I have found refuge in things like the tanning bed (I know I know, bad for your skin, makes you old, blah blah blah) but in that little room I have found my own tropical oasis. I have also learned that if bringing all the big toys in for the season makes the kids happy, then I am happy too.

I don't like being so far from my family and friends in NC, so I go home as often as I can. I love spring in the south. The weather is perfect. The trees are all in bloom and the air smells so... clean and fresh. 

I was beginning to think that it was never going to warm up here. So you can imagine how THRILLED I was when the weather was BEAUTIFUL, 70 degrees today!!!

I immediately packed the kids up and we found the nearest park to play in. 

OK, so we got to that park and it was a little too crowded (obviously, I wasn't the only mama with this idea), I am not so sure what Brac's levels are these days so I was nervous to have him around so many kids. Yep. I have become one of those mama's and I am OK with that. I don't know what those kids have going on in there little bodies and I would rather not find out through Brac. 

SOOOOO..... we found a less crowded park, and he was able to play and run and jump and be a kid. He was liked a caged animal set free. "Hibernating" has become our thing. 

 

Zoe LOVED the swings and we were able to show our St Patricks Day spirit, wearing our green.  I loved seeing the smile on there faces as they played OUTside. 

  We have deep Irish roots on my side of the family and I want our kids to know that. So I took today and made it fun and educational.

We were also waiting for Barney, the Leprechaun, to stop by. Brac's lesson today was all about St. Patricks day and to make it fun I told him about the Leprechaun that likes to stop by on St Patrick's day looking for his pot of Gold. If he finds what he wants then he always leaves a special gift before he leaves. So at nap time "Barney" visited and he must have found that pot of gold. There were over turned chairs and disheveled blankets when nap time was over and green cookies and a bag of candy awaiting him. He was so excited and told his cousin Charlee all about the Leprechaun that visited him. 

I thought that the day was so beautiful that I was going to take full advantage of it. I opened up the windows and let the house "air out". It was so nice to feel a nice breeze flow through the house. Brac went outside some more and rode one of the MANY power wheels contraptions that he has(Courtesy of the grandparents). And we even took a nice walk with the kids in tow in the wagon. Simply wonderful day. You would think that I would have taken the day and done a little crafting but NOPE, not today, today we played....ALL DAY!!!

 

It is days like today when being a mommy is absolutely wonderful and being a stay at home mommy is even better. I loved watching them smile and play. And it was so sweet to watch Zoe try to fight the wind to stay on her little feet. It makes my heart melt. And it makes the reality of what we have to sometimes face all the more bearable. I hope that as my kids, (especially Brac) grow older they remember the little things like wagon rides, green cookies and Leprechauns named Barney, instead of chemo treatments, hospital stays and needle sticks. 

Tomorrow, is another day, rain or shine we WILL make the best of it. Maybe a nice ride through the country side. Who Knows?

Toodles, 

The Sassy Southern Belle

****Oh and PS... just a little side note for me to always remember... Took my sweet Zoe to the Dr. for her 12 month visit... she is so little in the 25th percentile with weight and height... 19 lbs 7oz ... (she's a petite little priss) and in the 90th percentile with her head (this made me laugh, I thought "she totally takes after her dads family on this).****

Go Ahead and Make-a-Wish :)

Yesterday, my baby girl officially turned 1! 

My heart melted to think that a year has already passed with this wonderful little person. 

I am not so sure where it went. Between hospitalization with Brac, chemo treatments, moving to another state

And new beginnings we have had an eventful year. We have adjusted to life in the North and we are adjusting to crazy new schedules, with some new and fun things in the mix.

Knowing that I love birthday's and I couldn't let her official birthday go by without more cake {not to mention I love any excuse for cake of any kind ;) } we had another OFFICIAL birthday party. 

She loved smashing the cake and playing in it and DEVOURING it!

THAT'S MY GIRL! 

I really tried to make the day special for her, OK, I know that she's only 1 but it's been a wonderful year with a wonderful baby girl. I look forward to many many more birthday's with my precious Zoe. 

 

Today was another special day. When Brac was diagnosed I made many many mama friends. One of those mama's, was Sarah, Vinny's mom. 

I have learned a lot about strength and coping with the ups and downs of being a CK's mama with the help of Sarah. She also introduced me to the MAKE-A-WISH foundation. I had heard things about them and saw the little fundraiser's for them around town, that I always threw some spare change into. But now it is really hitting home. Sarah told me that Brac should qualify for a trip. We put it to the back of our mind while he was going through the tougher parts of treatment and then when we moved to Indiana, the social worker there, Nicole, mentioned it to us again. 

We were so eager this time. Brac had been through the works and we thought now was the best time to pursue a wish for him. We knew that he would love a trip to Disney and a chance to meet his favorite characters. 

WEEELLLLL.... HIS WISH IS BEING GRANTED!!!! 

Tonight we met with 2 volunteers to officially start the wish granting process. We are soooo excited. Our trip is a little ways down the road but we are going to go to DISNEY!!! 

The wonderful volunteers Deanna and Wendy came to the house tonight to meet with us. They came bearing gifts for Brac and Zoe... Made Brac's night. They were 2 of the sweetest ladies that I have ever met. Instantly we felt an immediate bond. It is wonderful people like them that make being sick a little more bearable.

This is an amazing organization and I thank them from the bottom of my heart for making my little boys wish come true. 

I thank God daily for allowing me the wonderful privilege of taking care of these 2  wonderful people. 

My Handsome little Man

Quick Take A Pic... Pic's from Zoe's First Birthday

Zoe's Pixie Garden Party

Zoe is Ready to Party!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Keeping these wings on was a trick

I was not the Picture taker so these are all that I got from her party on my regular camera....

Pixie Princess Zoe and the Pixie Mama

I love this cake face

                                          We turned all the little girls into pixie fairies

 

Family Pic

Zoe is just like her mama... she LOVES A GOOD PIECE OF CAKE. I am convinced if I would have put coffee in her sippy, my "mini me" would have loved it. :)

{Late Nights} & Racing thoughts

My mind has been going in a million different directions tonight. I stood at Braxton's doorway tonight and I couldn't help but weep. My amazing baby boy... ( Not so much a baby any more... 4 in August, where has the time gone?). My 7 lb 13oz precious baby boy, he melted my heart from day one and I thank God for the miracle that he is. To look at him now you would never believe that this time last year he was the sickest that he has ever been. Fighting for his life. I was induced with Zoe because I didn't want to miss a moment of his treatment and I knew that, that would be the toughest round of chemo for him. My, My... did he ever prove how tough he was. He smiled and said "thank you and please" even when he felt horrible and could barely stay awake. He is the toughest and bravest kid I know.

I never know what he is feeling, I imagine that it's not as good as he makes us believe. There isn't a day that goes by that I wish that I could do this all for him. There is not a mama in the world that wouldn't left a car off there baby. I hope that one day, when he grows up, {I know and believe this day is coming} I am able to let him go. I hope that I am able to let him grow up with out me "hovering" over him. I don't know what I'll do when the days of going for labs are over and monthly trips to the hospital are done. Someone told me the other day, I'll thank God all the more, They are right on that. He is a fighter, like so many like him.

I watched him play the other day and I thought...

"when did my little baby boy, become this little independent thinking person"

He's amazing I tell ya, SIMPLY MARVELOUS. I have been in love since day one. Since the first test, even more in love after the first ultrasound, overwhelmingly in love at 4:43am on August 4th and today my heart bursts with love for my little MAN.

And then there is my baby girl. Zoe Isabella... my little beauty. She has been my shadow baby since the day she was born. She always has a smile on her face. She is my strength when Brac is sick and she is the light in the storms that are "cancer in real life". Zoe, my Princess, hard to believe that she is already 1! God abundantly blessed us all with this Angel. She brings peace to any place she is in. She is.... oh I am speechless, there are not enough words.

She has been so wonderful for Braxton. One day I hope they have a wonderful relationship. That he looks out for her and that she looks up to him.

I am a blessed mama, I have a beautiful family and Love them all dearly.... 

 

So tonight I will go to bed in a melancholy spirit. Knowing that I am BLESSED and ABUNDANTLY so. Blessed and Highly Favored. Why I'll never know.

xoxo 

The Sassy Southern Belle 

{sigh of relief} THE JOY OF NAP TIME

I love nap time when the house is quiet and the babies are asleep. What sweet peace. At least 2 hours to clean (before it is destroyed again), to create... seeing that I am motivated enough to get all of my stuff out, and time to look for new and interesting stuff to "replicate" or order.  Some days... like today {when it's raining and cold} it is a great time to curl up with my kindle and cup of coffee and enjoy the peace.

I have been trying to get through a book that I got for my kindle for probably 4 weeks now. Since Braxton was diagnosed I find that I am drawn to books regarding cancer, cancer research or anything along those lines.
I stumbled across this book

This book looks into the life of the lady whose cervical cells (taken without consent) have lead to so many medical breakthroughs. It goes deeper than medical mumbo jumbo, it talks about her life and her family and there responses all the research. The book is great so far so I highly recommend it. 

If this isn't your taste,  then you should look into this good read. Unbroken By Laura Hillenbrand. This is the same author of  Seabiscuit. 

It's a true story of a WWII hero (Louis Zamperini) and very touching. Stranded on a raft in shark infested water for 40 + days. Surviving a horrible POW camp. This should get those curiosity wheels turning. I love war history and I love a true story so this was great for me.

And of course I have to plug my favorite... I am a HUGE Nicholas Sparks fan!!! Being that he is a southerner and that all of his books take place in NC I am a sucker for any of his books. In November a friend of mine so loving got me his latest book ... Safe Haven.

It is a love story that you will find yourself staying up late to read. I promise you will love it.

 And no Kindle should go unprotected. There are 2 pairs of sticky little fingers that love to grab anything within arms reach so I found this little beauty that is going to find a place in my diaper bag

You can get you one too... at  Kreated by Kim on Etsy 

So it's nap time.... what to do... clean, read, create.... decisions decisions, a mothers work is never done. Maybe I'll have a cup of coffee and a cupcake and then decide :)

xoxo

The Sassy Southern Belle

Oh me oh my and CHOCOLATE PIE.... or cake ;)

Oh me where do I begin. I haven't been able to blog in a couple of days... busy busy busy.

Well, first let me say that I am super excited to have my mom and sister here from NC. I have missed home terribly since moving to Indiana and there is nothing like seeing family to make things a little easier. 

They came into town for Zo's first birthday. {Her actual first birthday is on the 13th} I LOVE LOVE LOVE birthday's and I make sure to have a great time when it comes to my kiddo's.

Having a girl, my mind went CRAZY  with ideas. I decided on a Pixie Princess Garden Party. OOOOHHHH... what fun I had. I made her a tutu dress... I made all the little girls into fairies... wands, flowers for there hair... wings... TUTU's and of course a wand. I made chocolate covered marshmallow wands. A BIG HIT!! The cupcakes looked like mushrooms. Some chocolate. Some Vanilla. We served heart shaped PB&J and served "pixie punch". We did not leave out the little guys at the party. All of the little fellas were turned into Frog Princes too cute for words. :)

Zoe surely had a good time. Full of love and fun. Thanks to all who came out to make turning 1 and amazing day. 

 Now let's back up a little. Lately I have been ranting about Cancer and how much I HATE it. Tuesday was a chemo day for Brac. A long day, to say' the least. Brac had to have antibodies and then antibiotics and then finally chemo and then he was able to go home. Sounds simple... right? NOPE!!!  At the hospital from 9am to 4pm. Confined to a small room with a 3 year old... definitely not my idea of a good time. He ate lots of chocolate pudding and that seemed to make things a little better. 

 At the end of the day he was tuckered out and ready to go home. I felt so bad for him. This is when being a mom is tough.

Tuesday he had to have his port accessed, and then Friday he had to go for labs after a pill counter incidence that I would much rather not relive. Then Saturday morning before Zoe's party, Braxton awoke with a NASTY cough and terribly congested. This landed us in the Urgent Care. After a chest x ray and a Flu B swab (this came back negative by the way... a GREAT THING), the final conclusion was that he had viral pneumonia and that he needed a round of antibiotics. GREAT... that's all that I wanted to hear. This meant that we would be at the urgent care center longer than I had anticipated and this set my whole day into a whirl wind. We also introduced Brac to the magic sucker. When he got stuck he was to bite down on the sucker and he wouldn't feel a thing .... I AM A GENIUS... worked like a charm. :P

I ended up getting to Zoe's party late and having to finish some minor decorating at the last minute. But that's just the life of a CK's mom, we never know what is going to happen from one moment to the next. He missed Zoe's party but his Nana and Papaw got him a new DS so that seemed to make things a little better.

Brac is an amazing kid and I love him for the brave boy that he is. ;)

So now at 1am I am blogging and venting about the chaos that I am ;)

Ya'll stay sweet.... TTFN