HaPpY ThAnKsGiViNg!!! {OK... a little early} AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME!!

We are not going to be in town on Thanksgiving and I was not sure what our internet signal would be like while we were out of town so I thought I would take the time to write a Thanksgiving post now. Thanksgiving this year just happens to fall on a very special day for me... MY BIRTHDAY ... 26 years young!

I have so very much to be thankful for this year.

First and most of all...I am so thankful for the saving grace and love of ONE amazing God.

I am so incredibly thankful for my beautiful family. For my husband that works so hard to provide for our little family. We are both so incredibly blessed to have such beautiful children.

I thank God daily for bringing Brac through every step of this cancer and Leukemia process. He has not had to be in the hospital for about 5 months and that is such a relief. We are counting down the days and getting SO excited to be coming to an end.

I am so very thankful for my sweet Zoe. God new exactly what we needed when he gave us her smiling face. She makes me smile, even when I really don't want to. She is a bundle of joy with her own opinionated, sassy ways.

I am thankful today that I have such a wonderful and supportive extended family. My mom and sister have been such a wonderful support for me {and PS I am going to be an Aunt again in June... my little sis is expecting her first!!!} and Eron's parents have always been there when we have needed them. I am so thankful to be closer to my handsome nephews and beautiful niece and my brother in law and sister in law. God has blessed us with a beautiful home and blessed Eron's shop tremendously this year.

I am so thankful for our church family. Many don't realize or have the privilege of having such wonderful people in there life. A church family is so much like your own "blood" family. We have the best Pastor and First Lady and the saints of Apostolic Truth are like no other. They are always there to pray for you when you need it or to give you an encouraging word or just a hug. :)

All in All I am just a thankful person. I look so forward to sitting around the table with my family and laughing and eating all the yummy goodness that is on the table. Being pregnant at Thanksgiving is the BEST!!!

We are so excited and thankful to welcome another precious baby into our lives in January. Now if we could just settle on a name. :)

AND,OH YES.....

MY BIRTHDAY!!

Anyone that knows me can tell you that other than my childrens birthday there is no day that I look forward to like MY BIRTHDAY!!!

I owe this to my mama... (in more ways than one .. lol)  As kids she always made our birthdays so special and in return she created a monster!

Everyone always tells me that the older I get that I will not like celebrating my birthday as much but I don't see that happening. I cherish every year that God gives to me. { I think that I have learned to appreciate the days more as I have watched so many in my family be taken so unexpectedly to cancer and other illnesses} I look forward to growing older. To watching my children grow and become individuals. AND, YES, I LOOK SO FORWARD TO THE CAKE!!!

I have said for many years that I have a problem and it is CAKE!! {and coffee}

So obvilously I'm not 14 ... but doesn't this scream AMANDA!

So to all of my friends and family... HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!  Enjoy the day, be thankful for the moment. I know that as I sit with my family I am going to enjoy every moment.

And the Beat goes on...

I have been on an emotional roller coaster for this past week. Probably due mostly to the pregnancy hormones, but I am sure that most of the tears come from gratitude.

I'm thankful today....for Braxton. For his chance at life. Thankful for a Mighty Healing God that never leaves us.  For the Doctors and nurses that have taken such wonderful care of him. For the many prayer warriors across this nation that have taken the time to say a prayer for him. For my wonderful husband, my partner, for being the wonderful caring dad that he is. For Braxton and his patient demeanor, for never complaining and for being a warrior. For Zoe.... for being an easy baby and for making us smile when it was so hard.  And the list could go on forever.

I'm just thankful.

Two years ago, yesterday, we sat in the pediatrician's office waiting to find out what was wrong with our normally, very healthy little boy. He was horribly pale and he just wasn't being himself and the fever that he had been fighting for about 3 days was not getting any better and he had no other symptoms. My gut said "something is wrong, something is seriously wrong". They thought it was an ear infection... yeah, I wish. No mother could ever forget a day that would inevitably lead to one of the toughest, and most unimaginable things to hear ever.

at the pediatrician November 9th

That day after doing a simple finger stick in the doctors office that turned up abnormally low, we were sent to the local hospital for more labs and then home to wait for results. I will NEVER forget getting the call. I'll NEVER forget chocking back tears as the pediatrician told us to go to the children's hospital in town and then to expect to stay a couple of days. I will NEVER forget the slew of docs that came in with sympathetic looks on there faces that said "we know what is going on but we can't tell you just yet". It's a day that no mother would ever ever forget.

November 10th, a rainy Tuesday. Brac was scheduled for his very first spinal tap and bone marrow biopsy. I can remember Eron making a joke with the practitioner that was doing the bone marrow aspiration, about the bone marrow coming out slowly and that it was going to make her work for it. I can still see her face as she looked up and said that's usually because the Leukemia makes the cells pack together. That was the first time anyone had said that word to us ... LEUKEMIA.

Later that day, as Brac slept in Eron's arms. Our family around us. A group of doctors came in {I guess there is power in numbers} and said the words that made it difficult for me to swallow... to breathe... to think rationally.

"We have received the results, and he has Leukemia".... my sweet baby, he just celebrated his 2nd birthday and he was fine then. How could this be? Are you sure?

Later we would learn that he had Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. {the easiest cancer to "win"} They started treatment that day through his IV and he was scheduled for surgery the following morning to place his port.

Our little simple life as we knew was changing with ever moment, right before our eyes. After crying for a couple of days, Eron and I knew that we could do this and that with faith and hope and knowing that we served a Mighty God that would see us through, we could get through this. For Braxton.

Waiting on results from bone marrow aspiration.

He was on steroids for a month. He gained about 20lbs in a month and "morphed" into this child that we could barely recognize.

Post Steroids... slimming down.

He then went through a much "easier", every 10 day cycle... and then onto delayed intensification. This would prove to be the toughest most strenuous phase for him. During the course of this regimen he got a stomach bug and it in turn placed him in the hospital for a week, followed by an enormous weight loss and PT to help with the foot drop that he got while spending so much time in bed. He had multiple blood and platelet transfusions. Dealt with low potassium issues and the list goes on. Yes, he was so sick, but Brac has never once lost his sweet charming demeanor. He keeps trucking.



Lay it on the alter and give it to God, he takes care of us.



He is now in maintenance... {big sigh of relief}... and while he still has ups and downs and he is still going through chemo, he has made it through 2 full years of the cancer world. Spirits always high. We give God the praise daily, that he looks and acts like a "well" child. He is in the home stretch and while he may forget the trial that he has been through it will forever be alive in our minds. Braxton is my sweet hero. He is all boy. He likes bugs and rocks. Dirt and the gross things little boys like.  He likes things in routine and orderly. Nothing out of place. He's inquisitive.

Celebrating his 4th birthday!

In February he is going to take a trip that he has earned over and over. Looking at the 2012 calendar and marking all of his appointments we got to the end of the year and I circled the FINAL CHEMO... ohhhh, what a relief! We are almost there. He has overcome more at 4 years old than many adults can say they have overcome.

Ready to feed the horses with papaw

December 10th, one month after being diagnosed with ALL they told us that he was in "remission" (he is not considered in total remission until he has been cancer free for 5 years) but still there is no evidence of the dreaded "C" word in his body.

We must find a cure. The government has underfunded research and were there is no money, research can't be done. Children like Brac, Vinny, Benjamin and Maci do not deserve to go through this. They need to be playing and doing the things that kids do. Without the worry of germs and the possibility of a cold that could be horrible for them. They deserve to be KIDS.

at the beach for the first time 2011

62 weeks!!!

While reading through my fellow "cancer mom's" blog for her little boy. She stated that they have 25 weeks left! 25 weeks and then they are all finished! I thought WOW!

SO that made me wonder....{after some figuring} Braxton has about 62 weeks left of treatment. In some ways that seems like an eternity. But considering where we came from. He's had ups and downs and scares that I never ever want to relive. But through it all he still smiles, still pulls at our heart strings with those adorable dimples and his quirky sayings.

We received our "end date" when he started maintenance last year in August. JAN 15, 2013!!!  

And then... NO MORE CHEMO!!! I absolutely can't wait to throw the biggest party that Greensburg has ever seen. Bounce houses, pony rides and FUN FUN FUN!!

I don't know how these kids do it. They go to these treatments and you are sure that they are scared out of there mind but they are putting every ounce of trust that they have into you {the parent} and the doctors that we {the parent} have entrusted to keep our sweet babies safe.

I stop and think that Brac has an "end date" and that there are so many kids who have never been given that date. Who are still fighting with everything in them. They are weary and the parents are weary as well. They relapse and keep fighting. They have surgeries and scans and keep fighting.

Makes me so angry to hear people that have a chance at life minus the fight complain about the little things.

I dream and pray for a day when kids don't have to fight this evil thing called cancer.

I have watched many adults battle this battle and then, since Brac got sick, I have watched too many children fight, and they have no clue half of the time why they are fighting.

We have sheltered Brac a little and I guess being diagnosed at a young age made that a little easier. But now he is 4 and he ... knows... something is different with him. He knows that he is "special" that he is a superhero like no one else will ever be. But that's all he knows. We tried to explain that he is fighting Leukemia. But after the initial explanation, he seems to have forgotten and moves on with playing what ever it was he was playing.

So 62 weeks we will still fight.  For 436 more days we will pray and trust in God for an easy time. We will forever pray for our other superheros. And Brac will be a kid. As normal as he can be.

Holly (my cancer mom friend) said that someone mentioned to her that in 25 weeks Benjamin will be "normal" again. She stated that it made her so mad. Took her back to the times when you could obviously tell that her child was sick because of his bald head.  I don't blame her at all for getting mad.



But you know what? this is our kids "normal". It's normal for chemo, it's normal to go to the doctor every month. It's normal to know where the needle goes. It's normal to see others fighting cancer. That's their normal. And while, as moms, we would love for their normal to be knee scrapes, sniffles {with no worries} and gross dirty boys who have played outside all day. It's not. We ARE germ-a-phobes. We ARE the crazy mom's that give you evil looks when you cough in our direction at Walmart. We ARE the moms of cancer kids.



Being accessed (this was his first month with cancer)



This was Brac at his biggest after steroids. Gained 20lbs in a month. At his heaviest my 2 yr old was 40lbs



Brac at his sickest in April 2010



look at him now... my sweet boy. GOD IS SO GOOD!







Halloween Fun!!!

I don't think I have ever had a busier, crazier Halloween in all my years!

We moved to Indiana a year ago and since then we have started new traditions. The pumpkin patch, Halloween and costumes!, we are going to even get a REAL tree from a place where you cut it down yourself!

Last year around the time for the holidays it seemed that Brac was so sick each time a major holiday came around. Brac did have a chance to go trick or treating last year with his cousins for the VERY first time, but for some reason (still a mystery to Eron and I) daddy was not with us. Maybe it's because it was a Sunday last year and daddy had something to do there ????

BUT.... this year, oh what fun they had. I loved getting the kids ready and watching there excitement grow as trick or treat time came. This was also Erons first time out as well. :) I think he had as much fun {if not more} as the kids. With every door they ran up to, Brac as Venom (the bad side of Spiderman) and Zoe as a fairy, they smiled, held out there little buckets and said "trick or treat", followed by a very sweet "thank you".

They got to enjoy the time with there cousins and all there little friends, and this is what makes the whole time worth it. As for all the candy, it was thoroughly "inspected" by mommy and daddy who took the giant risk of "testing" much of it for safety purposes, while they were fast asleep.

Earlier that day... I had to go for my glucose test at the hospital. I didn't realize that it would be a 2 hour test, but it really gave me a chance to read and just enjoy the moment ALONE. I guess you know you're a stay at home mom when you embrace every moment of alone time you get. {wink wink}

Immediately following the test, I had to rush home. Get both kids in the car with hubby and we were off to Indianapolis to have our follow up ultrasound to check the echogenic bowel that was spotted 6 weeks earlier. We give God all the glory. Sitting in the waiting room, I suddenly had this overwhelming since of peace that everything was fine. AND it was. The doctor came in and said that he believed that everything had cleared up. He stated that the bowel was not as "bright" as it had been and that there was still no real cause or reason why it was there in the beginning. But, oh my, what a relief.

He's a growing little boy, and judging by the 4D looks like his brother and sister. :) I can't believe that I only have 12 weeks left!! I am so very excited.

We had a busy day but it was adventurous and we made it home in time to get a little candy.

With the holidays quickly approaching we are making Christmas lists and making plans for trips to Papaw and Nana's. I love to see the excitement on there faces when we say we are going there. Before we know it the holidays will be over and we will be welcoming a new addition to the family and then we have our BIG TRIP TO DISNEY!!!  WOO HOO!!

We are praying that this year Brac can stay out of the hospital during all the major holidays. Last year, we spent Thanksgiving and Christmas there and let me just say it was not our favorite place to be. The doctor is determined to keep him well this year.

TTFN :)