Mother's Day (I know... a day late)

Being a mother has been one of the most amazing blessings ever imaginable. From the time that I found out that I was pregnant to the moment that I held there little hand for the first time. 

{Sadly, I miscarried 3 times... but something about those babies lives on in me as well}

It has proven to be challenging. And SO very rewarding. My children. The reason for my being. I love being a mommy to these 3 miracles that God allowed me the privilege of loving. 

Braxton. Zoe. Caleb.... absolutely perfect. Braxton has taught me hope and faith in ways that I never could have imagined. Zoe has taught me to take every moment and smile. Caleb has taught me that wonderful things can come when you least expect it. 

I am also so very blessed to have the mother that I have. She has taught me to be a self sufficient independent woman. She was both mom and dad growing up and I am sure that my love of cake and birthdays stems solely from my mama. She's an amazing cook and if I was still at home I would surely be the size of a barn. :) My children call her Gammy, and even 500 miles away they know how much she loves them. I love my mama ;)

I'm also blessed with an amazing mother in law. She is one of the most generous and Godly women that I know. She has a beautiful relationship with God, one to admired. I love her for the wonderful Nana that she is to my children. Thanks mom for being wonderful you. 

I have one sister, my baby sister.... She is going to be a mama in a few short weeks. I can't wait!! She is an amazing sister and I know that she is going to be an amazing mama to little Liam. (side note: I can't wait to spoil him ROTTEN)

And I have a sister in law... she is wonderfully sweet. She is the proud mama to my 2 sweet nephews and my only sweet niece. She is funny and witty and a wealth of wisdom beyond her years. 

So to all those mama's out there. Happy Mother's Day. {Belated it may be} I hope you all had a fantabulous day.  

Simple Ramblings of SAHM

Being a stay at home mom in a small town can become so monotonous. 

I do the same thing everyday. Clean, feed the kids breakfast, play with kids, break up fights, fix lunch, naps, clean some more, fix dinner, clean up after dinner and then at the end of the day tuck everyone in and go to bed myself warn out from the "exciting day" that has been had. 

I live for my cups of coffee and my blog time because it kind of keeps me a little bit sane. 

I guess until you are a stay at home mom you don't understand all that is involved. Living in Greensburg, where there is ABSOLUTELY nothing to do, can be a bit of a drag. Of course I could venture over to the even smaller town of St. Paul, but then I would just be sitting at a friends house doing the same thing that I could have been doing while in my PJ's. Or I could go 30 minutes to the slightly bigger town (with 3 kids in tow) but then I would just go nuts from taking 3 kids shopping with me. 

I am extremely type B. I live from moment to moment. I don't care if things are planned out and I love spontaneity and in this town there is none of that. Dealing with Brac's chemo schedule and med schedules is routine enough for me. That is the only part of my life that has structure. I am the least organized person. Unlike my husband. 

On top of all my boredom, my Keurig is broken. It worked yesterday morning and NOW it's just blinking at me. SOOO I called the company, and they are sending me a new one. BUT what am I to do until the new one comes? Use the Mr. Coffee, old fashioned coffee maker? I don't even have "regular" coffee in the house anymore :( 

I am one sad and grumpy lady this morning. 

And then nothing adds to my grumpiness like getting a "to do" list from the Goob as long as my arm. AND 2 sick kids, after getting one out of the hospital. UGH!! When will the madness stop. 

I must run to McDonalds quickly and get a cup of coffee before my head explodes. 

Boredom it's a funny thing. Some people don't know the meaning of being bored. They look forward to doing the same thing everyday. NOT ME! I need something new. I need a new spice in my life. Something fun and exciting. When the days get long, it only makes me miss "home". So much more. It makes me miss my little sis. 

And the more the boredom sets in, the more my appetite increases. GREAT! I get to be bored AND fat. Oh what joys. 

Ok I believe I'm finished venting to my unexpectant Blog community. Maybe I should socialcam my thoughts. That should be entertaining enough.

Happy Birthday Goob...

On May 8th 1983 a little boy was born in a small town in Ohio to Chuck and Ida Adkins. They would name him Christopher Eron.

Little did they know...

He would grow to enjoy the outdoors. He would be a little brother, who wouldn't mind to always be the pitcher.  He would be a mischievous little boy. He would be funny. He would love God with all his heart. He would grow into a responsible young man. He would grow up to be an expert barber. He would marry a beautiful southern belle :). He would be an amazing father to 3 most awesome children. He would be a prayer warrior. He would be a friend to many. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO GOOB!! 

Today you are 29! OMGosh, you are getting so old. Your hair has thinned out ... A LOT! You are a little ... um... fluffier in the middle. Your type A ways have gotten a little worse and you drive me crazy most days. But I love you despite all your "quarks". 

I'm glad that God put us together. You are a wonderful provider for our little family. You are an example of dependability. I hope you have a wonderful birthday. I'll be sure to eat plenty of cake for you. 

I love you Goob and I look forward to celebrating many more birthdays with you. 

Camping at Cincinnati Childrens...

We had a pretty uneventful weekend. Braxton played with friends and even rode his four wheeler with his friends on Thursday.  SOOOOO.....

We almost made it. We almost made it to a year with no hospital stays.

Friday morning bright and early Braxton woke me up worried about his four wheeler. When I reassured him that the four wheeler was safe in the garage, he was rolling over to go back to sleep when I leaned down to kiss him, only to realize that he was hot.

First thoughts, " NO WAY!!"

Braxton has been "flirting" with a temp for weeks now but I figured it was just allergies and that it was no big deal. He has been complaining about a headache but nothing too big. Last month the headaches led to a blood transfusion the week before chemo.

So, at 1am I was up packing for me and the kids to drive the hour to Cincinnati with hopes that it was nothing and that his counts would be fine and that after a round of antibiotics he could go home. So often that has been the case I couldn't help but be hopeful.

There I was with 3 kids at 3:30 in the morning alone, one with a temp, a cantankerous 2 year old that needed to be in bed and my sweet baby boy.

It's as if life hits you in the forehead and says... "did you really think it was that easy". Lately I had let my guard down a little when it came to Brac. I have tried to make things as "normal" for him as I could. He is almost 5 and he is just now starting to ask why he has to take medicine and his friends don't. Makes me very glad that he only has 7 months left. Being on maintenance is not all a bed of roses like I had assumed when he was first diagnosed. He has been in the hospital multiple times for viral temps. And although he doesn't have to have treatment every week and although he appears to be a "normal" 4 year old, he is not.

He is still undergoing treatment for.... Leukemia.

So,  as I packed our bags for the hospital. I had a moment where I just cried. I was mad that I was careless enough to "forget" that he was in maintenance and that his counts could still drop. We have become so relient on the IVIG therapy that when something as unexpected as a temp happens it kind of throws me for a loop.

Because he is on a cancer floor with other immuno compromised children and they were unsure of the cause of his temp he has been in "quarantine" of sorts. He is not allowed to leave his room and people have to gown and glove up when entering the room.

The first couple of nights, we did not know why he had the temp or the reason that  not only was his white count and his ANC in the toilet (for lack of a better word) but whatever it was, was tearing up RBC's as well. He needed another blood transfusion while he was there. 2 in a month. Oh boy. We have, however, learned to entertain ourselves in those tiny rooms. I have learned to make balloon animals. {thanks a lot to youtube}

Fear is a funny thing. Especially when it dwells in a mother. I was scared. My stomach felt sick. When Braxton was diagnosed he only presented with a temp... his blood work was what confirmed our worst nightmares as a parent.

Saturday afternoon the doctor assured me that there was no sign of the Leukemia in his blood work and that nothing looked abnormal on his blood smear... (HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF) I could breathe... a little.

Later that day he went down for a CT of his head to see if the infection was in his sinuses ... TADAAAA... the source. So now he is on nasal sprays to try to "wash out" the infection as well as being on 3 weeks of antibiotics when he gets home.

Eron and Brac are now on the way home from Cincy ... Can't wait to see my boys. Brac has been absolutely pitiful and I have missed him the past couple of nights. My diet and work out regimen has gone down the toilet (for lack of a better word) for the weekend, I have been living on coffee and caffeinated drinks, sugar finger foods and NO sleep.

So that's my story for the weekend. Fun Fun!!

it's a dog

and a bunny

Reminiscing moments....

I'm so not the "mushy gushy" type. I mean, my kids make me melt... often. But as for as being sentimental and keeping every little thing my kids or my husband does for me. That's just not me. BUT, I do love pictures and I never delete or throw any out. My heart just melts to look back at the old pics that I have stored. 

Recently I was going through the pics on my computer and found a ton of when Braxton was a baby. He tends to melt my heart the most. Probably because of all that he has gone through. 

When you are pregnant you never dream that you will hear the words "he has cancer".... I wish I never had.

So let me forewarn anyone that may be reading this, the mushy gushiness of this post is totally because I am a mama and the little things about my kids usually has me pouring buckets of tears. I found pics of Braxton when he was first diagnosed and well, lets just say it was a good thing it was the middle of the night cause my kids would have thought I was nuts. 

When Brac was first diagnosed, I went immediately into "mama mode". I knew that I had a job to do and I was into it full force. Braxton immediately became my number one priority (more so than he already was). While we have added 2 more beautiful babies to the mix since he got sick. My heart knows that they are "OK"... I will always fuss over Brac even when he's older. 

I have been worrying over Brac consistently for the last 3 years. It's not going to be something that I can  just forget about. Being the mom of a Cancer Kid is hard. It's hard to watch them go through all the treatments, to see the pain in there eyes. It's hard to want to help them better and  know that you can't.It's hard to watch them be so brave when you want to cry for them.  It's hard to split your time between your other children and it's especially hard to live with the feeling that you are leaving the others out (even though you know that you are not).

Braxton is my first born, he is naturally independent, but I think as he gets ready to start school I wonder if I have hindered him in some way. I have hovered over him since he was Zoe's age. He has been kept from playdates and preschool for fear of him getting sick. He's missed the snow. He's missed trips and birthday parties. I cringe when someone coughs in his direction. My heart melts when he gives me a hug and a kiss just because. I have had a front row seat to the powers of God. I have watched Brac bounce back and recover like a champion. I feel so blessed. I know that with out Braxton I would not have the faith that I do in the things that we don't understand. God amazes me everyday. I know that my little boy is blessed and highly favored. 

Getting accessed in the beginning of his treatment.

He was his sickest here

So as I ramble on, I am happy to say that Brac only has 7 months left. OH!! What a joy!! I get butterflies thinking about his last treatment. I get so excited to think that he is done putting that poison into his little body. It thrills me to know that he can be a "NORMAL" boy. It makes me elated to know that he can go to sleepovers and play without having to come in for his meds. It really makes me happy that he can go to the pediatrician for a cough and cold and not the oncologist. 

So after I had my moment of thoughts and tears. I began to thank the Mighty God that I serve for keeping him and blessing him. For keeping me strong and sane. For allowing me to be the mom to such an amazing little boy. 

To look at him today you'd never know that he was living with a cancer diagnoses.

Just had a mommy moment today.